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Today, out of habit,
I hid behind someone else’s words,
complete with riffs and the works.

Today, out of habit,
I found myself in someone else’s words,
complete with riffs and...the bloody works.

Stuck between my
fear of emotional strip poker
and fetish for vain walls
(that no one’s paying for),
I told you, him and her that
inertia was my only problem.

It's not.

The real catch was that I had just plain given up
on, you know, questions as painful as
“Where are my own words?”

WIP

I’ve accomplished only 40% of the things on my development-and-yolo-related “Things to do Before I Turn 25” list.

The 12-year-old me would have skipped television to punish herself for not sticking to plans/goals. The 18-year-old me would’ve made the mother skip television and stay at home too, thanks to rebel wisdom.

I can’t relate to them anymore.

As a 25 year-old, I’ve learned to not only take setbacks in my stride, but also appreciate the other small ways I’ve grown as a person -- none of which were part of a list.  (Yes, I’ve packed some generic emotional punch here, but c’est necessary.)

To that end, it behooves me to document some of the changes (that I hadn’t consciously planned for) in my personality I’ve come to appreciate.

1. I judge people less these days, because I’ve finally realised how it feels to be judged by others. It didn’t feel good and the Karma gods have had their “Say what now?” moment.

2. I’m slightly more conscious of my grammar. But then there are days when I can’t let grammar come in the way of appropriate dramaticism.

3. I’m comparing myself to others a lot less.

4. I’ve stopped trying to change myself or do things to impress people. A few people have inspired me in the last 5-6 years and I may have said/done things just to impress them, which is fine (but on a really fundamental level, really stupid). People continue to inspire me, but I’ve learned to internalise only those ideologies that actually resonate with me and say things I really understand/mean.

5. I’m less flowery.

6. I Facebook less and Google more.

7. I have a clearer idea of what I want (not need) in a potential date, mentor, future partner and friend these days. (I’m not ashamed to admit that I take opportunity costs seriously.)

8. I take greater ownership of screw-ups. I didn’t accomplish 60% of the things on my “Things to do Before I Turn 25” list, mostly because of my negligence and complacency. (And dystopian fiction.) There, I said it!

8 points.  Not bad, eh? I’ll take one slow clap for all of the above, thank you!

Anyhoo, in closing (lolwut?), I know I’m a WIP. I’ll do a better job with my list of goals this year. But I’m also going to continue appreciating the stuff that go beyond lists and plans, be it the new qualities I organically develop, or maybe (just maybe!) even the leaps of faith I take.

Yesterday I spent ~ $47 dollars on a bottle of manuka honey. It was not part of my shopping list. It smells bad and I’m not sure I know what to do with it.

Now, I may or may not have indulged in the above babble just to, you know, convince myself that it was okay to be stupid yesterday, by talking about how we are all anyways growing and learning as people even when we don’t stick to lists and plans.

Sorry.